BY Grind All
Does the Shitty Thing
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a leaked video showing a secret meeting between leaders of the radical Islamic terrorist group ISIS, the group declared that they would be leaving America out of their quest for complete destruction of the world.
The video showed leader Saajid Yousif stating that ever since Trump’s election the country has been falling apart all without any influence from the outside world.
“Look at them!” cried Yousif. “They’re a fucking mess. Not only are there protests every goddamned day but they couldn’t even give Beyonce the record of the year at the Grammy’s! That place is going to shit all by itself, we should focus our attention elsewhere.”
This declaration comes after the first turbulent month of Trump’s presidency. Since taking office Trump has attempted to issue a travel ban on Muslims, start a war with the press, and break ties with important allies. The most recent scandal shows Trump citing a Fox News story during a press conference which falsely claimed that Sweden was under distress from taking in too many immigrants. The statement caused uproar from Swedish government officials who attacked the statements false merits while the rest of the world laughed at the elected American leader for being so, so stupid.
“They are ruining themselves,” continued Yousif. “I mean do they really think that a guy who listens to Fox News is going to lead them to the promise land? I mean we’re pretty radical but we can fucking see how stupid Fox News is- they’re going down with or without us, why exhaust ourselves?”
This video very obviously comes as a shock to most of America.
“How could they not want to fuck us up?!” cried internet chat room user Dikzout4Harambe. “America’s the center of this fucking planet! How could they not care about us?!”
While most American’s reactions have shown to agree with Dikzout4Harambe the rest of the world seems to understand ISIS’s point of view. Tweets from countries such as Ireland, Japan, and Australia show how the rest the world has responded to the news.
“Honestly same ISIS America’s a MESS #beyhive” said a tweet from Irish user @KellyStone which then went viral being retweeted over 2,000 times.
President Trump has yet to formally address the video but sent out a tweet at 3:05 am last night saying “ISIS is just playing hard to get! We will continue to make America great again! And ISIS will be begging to be destroyed by us!”