Senior Convinced This Will Be the Semester He Raises GPA

BY Grind All
Explora Reporta

NEW BRUNSWICK–Second semester senior Dan Harrison has recently declared that this semester, his final semester, will be the time when he finally gets his grades up. In a dramatic Facebook post Harrison spoke about his past academic struggles.

“I’ve been too busy partying” he said in the post. “I’ve never focused on my school work but I’m finally realizing that in order to succeed after graduation I need to get at least a 3.0. I am determined to do that this semester.”

senior
TOTALLY DELUSIONAL Dan Harrison pathetically believing he could actually pull a 3.0 out of his ass

Harrison’s goal came as a surprise to family and friends. Those closest to him described him as a “careless party animal with no sense of responsibility.”

“Last time I checked he had like a 2.1 or something,” said roommate Christian Donnell.

A recent statement from his academic adviser, Sarah Burn, confirmed this statement. “Dan has barely made it through college. He has scraped a D out of almost every class. If he pulls out a 3.0 I would literally tear off my own leg and eat it. That’s how much I am sure that he is incapable of doing this.”

When asked about his plan Harrison said, “See I’m being really smart about this. I’m gonna do part time, so only 9 credits, that way I can focus on my studies! I can still party but not have as much class”.

While this logic seems almost sound, it completely neglects the fact that in order to raise a GPA one needs to take at least six classes and earn A’s in order to see a spike.

Despite all of this Harrison seems unfazed and has already begun planning the graduation party he will throw celebrating his 3.0 GPA.

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