New Brunswick Garbage Men to Host Trash Throwing Competition

Walter Cronkite Jr.
Trash Writer

NEW BRUNSWICK–The New Brunswick Department of Public Work (NBDPW) is finally giving its employees a platform to showcase their craft.

The city’s garbagemen, who can be seen twice a week throwing garbage cans from house to house with no remorse, announced Monday they will be participating in the First Annual Garbage Can Toss late this spring.

“This is a testament to the hard work our city employees put in year after year,” said NBDPW Director Steve Zarecki. “Every week they do their best and toss garbage cans without even looking at what they may hit, be it parked cars, houses, or even a passerby.”

The contest will reportedly involve several team and individual competitions, including distance toss, team relay, and total garbage left on the side of the road.

“I’m glad we’re finally being recognized,” said 15-year veteran Tony DeConstanza. “I’d also like to thank all the college students who populate New Brunswick. Without their indifference toward terrible living conditions and intolerable work performance, none of this would have been possible.”

New Brunswick residences are a bit trepidatious about this contest funded by the NBDPW, worrying it may promote a poor work ethic among the rest of the garbagemen.

“I was walking home today and saw a garbage can fly threw the air out of nowhere,” said Julia Greenwald. “That can’t be right, right? Like you’re not supposed to do that. I hope after this contest there won’t be garbage cans fly threw my window.”

There is no official start date yet for the competition, but the competitors are reportedly readying for it by leaving a record amount of ignored garbage along the streets.

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