Guy With No Arms Feels Like Fucking Idiot After Breaking Both Legs

BY Caillou
Resident Dad

Piscataway – Local disabled man Hoff Belance, 22, was reported to have felt like major fuck up last night after breaking both legs, sources report.

Belance was born with a condition that necessitated the immediate removal of his upper appendages, leaving him armless and feeling like a real dickhead. But after last night, Belance thinks he really shit the bed with this one.

“Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking, going out and breaking my legs ‘n shit,” Belance stated. “Fuck man, I feel like such a dingus, y’know? Like what am I supposed to do, wiggle everywhere like a goddamn member of the famous children’s musical group The Wiggles? Fuck.”

Belance’s friend Chris R. was sympathetic to Belance’s situation. “I’ve already bought the biggest baby carrier money can buy, and I bought this prosthetic leg thing he can attach to his dick so that when his legs get better, it will help him readjust to walking. It’s not like we’ll be going out much, so I just got us this The Wiggles: Hot Potatoes! The Best of the Wiggles dvd that we can watch, some booze, and I dunno; who knows what’ll happen after that!”

We were able to get a quick word with Belance’s mom, who was quoted saying that “I love my son, but that dumbass can really shit a brick on his dick sometimes, y’know?”

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