Absolute Fucking Madman on LX Not Using Handrails

BY Arthur Case
Not Spike Lee

NEW BRUNSWICK—Students at Rutgers were shocked this morning to hear reports of an absolute fucking madman riding the LX bus without sitting down or holding on to the handrails. The student, who has been identified as School of Arts and Sciences sophomore Darrell Andrews, believes he is capable of riding the bus without using the handrails.

“I can’t believe he’s just standing like that,” whispers Caleigh Eberhardt, a freshman living on Livingston campus. “He’s so awesome. I hope I can do that by the time I’m a sophomore!” Eberhardt, amazed at the pure, raw fucking talent that Andrews was displaying, sat in one of the many empty seats on the particular LX bus they were riding in silent amazement.

darrell
LOOK MA NO HANDS Darrell can’t be controlled guys

When The Medium requested a comment from Andrews, he looked over and gave just the slickest fuckin’ bro nod we’ve ever seen. Obviously he didn’t have time for an interview, as he was focusing on riding around Livingston and College Ave with the masterful balance and coordination of a skilled sailor.

Just as quick as it began, Andrews’ total fucking dominance of the LX floor came to an end. As the LX bus came to a stop at Scott Hall, he used the momentum of the bus to carry him up to the front

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