Americans Desperately Try to Find New Diversion Topic for Thanksgiving Now That Election Is Over

BY Grind All
Resident Mom

AMERICA—For the past year, America has been gripped by 2016 presidential election. The election has influenced countless think pieces on The Odyssey and thousands of social media statuses lamenting how terrible this whole election is.

It has also provided a great distraction for those recent college graduates and singles to divert the conversation away from their lack of employment or love life. Since its finale on Tuesday, the nation is completely confounded, aimless on what to complain about next. This seems to be especially important with the national holiday of Thanksgiving coming up.

“Thanksgiving is a time when everyone gets together and asks me when I’m gonna get fucking married,” said Oklahoma resident Harry Ferguson. “I used to be able to just say, ‘Hey what about that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton thing?’ and then all the attention would be off of me.”

Thousands of Americans have been shown to share Ferguson’s sense of distress. A new poll conducted by CNN showed young Americans were seriously inconclusive on how to change the subject from their failing fledgling adult life at impending Thanksgiving gatherings. About 10% of Americans said they were considering going back to the always trusty Black Lives Matter movement or even the legality gay marriage. But a handful of Americans say their family has started to see through this diversion and may need to have something else to distract them.

“They know man,” said Ferguson. “I can’t keep distracting them with Black Lives Matter and other controversial shit.”

The Medium stands in solidarity with all those who will be asked about their lives this holiday season and encourages readership to find distracting conversation topics in next week’s issue.

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