Fountain Drink Machine Runs out of Flavored Syrup

BY Radio Raheem
Does the Right Thing

PISCATAWAY—Rutgers School of Engineering sophomore Julia Hernandez reportedly experienced yet another crushing disappointment last night at the dining hall on Busch campus. After three different types of soda at the fountain drink machine didn’t have any flavored syrup, Hernandez decided to just get a water and go back to her table.

Hernandez went to the dining hall with three friends from class after a long day of studying in the Library of Science and Medicine. After an intense six-hour long Thermodynamics review, all she wanted was a crisp, refreshing glass of Diet Coca-Cola on ice with her pasta. After filling a fresh glass to the brim with ice and Diet Coke, Hernandez happily went back to sit with her friends. Just when she thought she was about to take a sip of her sweet treat, her world was shattered when it just tasted like brown carbonated water.

TOTAL DEVASTATION Julia Hernandez cries over the poor quality of Busch’s fountain drinks

“I couldn’t believe it,” said Hernandez, with tears welling in her eyes. “It just tasted terrible. It wasn’t sweet at all; it was just fizzy colored water.”

This wasn’t the end of her disappointment. After walking all the way back to the soda machine, she decided to try something else. “I’ll have a regular Coke then, right? What the hell! I deserve this,” she said. “So, I filled up my glass with Coke and took a sip immediately, and I couldn’t believe that the same thing happened twice. I poured it out and tried Dr. Pepper, and again: just brown fizzy water.”

Hernandez, on the verge of sobbing, just filled up her glass with water and went back to her seat. For the remainder of her dinner, she sat despondently staring at her pasta and taking small, unenthusiastic sips from her glass of water.

“I just hope the soda tastes like it should tomorrow. I can’t deal with this again,” she said.
Hernandez reportedly went on to fail her Thermodynamics midterm this morning.

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