Vending Machine Fails To Vend Skittles

BY Traitorous Gumball
Probably Jewish

NEW BRUNSWICK- At 1:24 P.M. last Wednesday, the vending machine in Campbell Hall was unable to vend a bag of Skittles.

“I just finished my exam and wanted a snack for stress relief, you know?” Explained Rutgers Sophomore Paul Scheidt. “But unfortunately, it was not to be.”

At the time of writing, the bag of skittles is still dangling inside the machine, just barely holding onto the spring.

HANGING ON BY A THREAD Defiant Skittles stand firm against attempts of purchase

“It’s honestly pretty incredible.” Said Rutgers Freshman Alison Sucher. “I mean, have you seen just how small the surface area is of the portion of the bag that’s on the spring? It defies physics!”

It is possible that the vending machine intentionally failed to give Scheidt his Skittles in a diabolical plot to rob him of five quarters.

Many of the university’s policies, such as those for parking and housing, are designed with the dual end goals to maximize profit for the school and minimize the welfare of students.

“I want to stay optimistic, but this machine is affiliated with Rutgers. It’s plausible, if not likely, that the Skittles incident was planned from the start.” Said Scheidt.

Rutgers Officials have not commented on the situation, and how they plan to compensate Scheidt for the money, although it is likely safe to assume that they will do nothing.

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