IHOP’s Tilapia is a Hidden Gem in a Sea of Time-Honored Standards

BY Fui von Wiwiifui

Two words: boundary breaking. That is the best way to describe one of what I would describe as IHOP’s master works, and I hesitate to use the term “master work,” but IHOP has justified its usage time and time again, this being no exception. Of course, I’m talking about the Tilapia Florentine, on IHOP’s entrée menu, and is the only seafood item on their menu. But truly, you’d think it came from beachside three star Michelin ristorante.

Let me try to paint you a tribute to this meal, using nothing but a few blissful memories of a dinner lost to the unforgiving, yet insufferably fair, march of time. However, words cannot describe how one feels when you first breath in a scent of this tilapia over the torrent of morning regalement; the tangy scent of a seaside mistress seduces you before you even set eyes on her. How she tenderly places herself on your table, laid out bosom exposed for you. Her clitoris gently whispering, almost inaudibly, out to you, for you to consume. First slowly, but soon more savagely than either of you can handle. And before it’s even truly began, it’s over. The morning after, she’s gone without a notice. If it weren’t for your memory, and the night clerk’s query of where the other guest was, she very well might not have existed. But lying on that mattress, in a motel room unkempt, uncared for, and forgotten; lay the memory of one of your most incredible nights.

9/10. Broccoli was a bit too mushy for my taste.

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