BY Newells Newsmaker
In the Neighborhood
NEW BRUNSWICK— Early on the morning of September 19, RUPD was called to the Douglass parking deck after a report of a balm in an unattended bag. Commuter super senior, Johnny Smith had just exited his 2001 Ford Taurus when he saw a canvas bag in the middle of the parking deck. He approached the bag and noticed a small tube shimmering in the sunlight.
“Yeah man, I saw something in this bag and was like, crap that’s a balm” he promptly called the police, “yeah, my mom always tells me, if I see a balm, that means it’s ISIS and I should report it real quick.”
Officers arrived to the scene with balm dogs and surrounded the suspicious bag covered with buttons of animals dressed in clothes. They quickly contained the balm and identified it as Lipsmackers, Bubblegum flavor.
“Once I saw it was bubblegum flavor, I knew we were dealing with an experienced balmer” commented Officer Rodgers.
The balm was sent to a lab for further examination of ingredients and possible DNA evidence. The culprit is a freshman who dropped her bag in the garage while running to get Dunkin Donuts before her class started. Police have cleared the scene.