DEVELOPING: Rutgers Yet To Learn How To Be Big Ten School, Closes Alley

BY Stephen A. Smiff

PISCATAWAY — After trudging through their first three years in the Big Ten, Rutgers started to make positive strides by introducing The Alley, a student-only tailgating section, to boost attendance and help usher in the Big Ten era.

Just two weeks into its existence, the university shut it down.

“We realize The Alley is new, but safety concerns trump good times and lifelong memories,” said President Robert Barchi in a press release. “It does not matter if kids will just go drink elsewhere, or if other Big Ten universities with successful athletic programs support their students by making them feel welcome at football games, we just cannot allow these kinds of school-sanctioned shenanigans.”thealley

New athletic director Pat Hobbs recently visited The Alley, and even drank a beer a student handed him, earning him respect from students. However, after making a statement apologizing for his action, the imminent doom of The Alley was clear.

“I handed him a beer, and he drank it, and we were all like, ‘Wooooooooooo!’ ya know,” said Beta Rho Omicron junior Chris Herns. “Then he was like ‘Nah my bad, I shouldn’ta done that,’ and we were all pissed. I thought Big Ten schools were supposed to support underage drinking and student mayhem, man.”

The Rutgers University Student Assembly has yet to make an official statement, but individuals with knowledge of the situation say they “realized they made a huge mistake” by entering the Big Ten, and “don’t know how to handle” being in the public eye, so “might as well make the students suffer.”

Students will now likely go back to tailgating in various lots around High Point Solutions Stadium, while the University will continue to figure out how to make its students feel welcome in a conference where Rutgers has yet to make its mark.

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