How to Improve Your Tinder Profile

BY Latin Mama

I have been frequenting Tinder (strictly for scientific research, of course), and I came up with some ways to improve your profile in no time, and ultimately, get laid!

1. Show a picture of you making out with your dog, tongue and all. Everyone wants to know that there is a possibility that they may contract worms from kissing you, so tell Fluffy to pucker up for a selfie!

2. Don’t smile in any of your pictures. What, do you want them thinking that you’re some kind of a pussy with feelings?! Put on some brass knuckles and the best Resting Bitch Face you can muster.

3. List any awards you’ve ever won. Simple: achievements=sexy. Never won any awards? Well we all have at least won those trophies in T-ball because “everyone is a winner,” so, what the hell—throw that in to bulk up your list a bit.

4. Be honest and list your worst habit. Come on, they’re going to find out sooner or later anyway, so might as well be transparent from the beginning. Cackle during Friends re-runs? Cry after sex? Honesty is key!

5. State your penis size, not your height. Stop beating around the bush (;p) and tell everyone what they really wanna know! Even Peter Dinklage is loaded, so height is therefore irrelevant.

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