BY Molly Moist
NEW BRUNSWICK— Rutgers has long been on the forefront of many technological innovations: creating life-saving vaccines, single-handedly landing a man on the moon… the list goes on and on. Now Rutgers has begun implementing the agricultural phenomenon known as ‘drip irrigation’ on the bus system of their flagship New Brunswick campus.
Upperclassmen Roberto Barkey was here to describe it to us, “Yeah we know Rutgers has been trying out this drip irrigation for years, I remember getting on an EE my freshman year and coming back to my dorm wet as a manatee. It is promising to see they’ve implemented it on all the buses and I can still get soaked in a much more efficient way.”
Professors in Environmental Science joined his praise, saying, “Back in the ‘80s we had to find much more creative ways to drench students, whether it was throwing them in Passion Puddle or giving them an old-fashioned swirly. I am glad to see the university is keeping their priorities straight, despite numerous debilitating facilities, making our students uncomfortable has always been our number one priority.”
Students at the university will be hard-pressed to find a seat that is not moist.
Sophomore Angela Xu expressed her joy, saying, “After a night of heavy drinking on College Ave, it’s nice to hop on a bus back to Busch and not have to assume the wet seat isn’t from some engineering chick that couldn’t hold it in on Route 18. It is such a relief to feel those drops hit you from above.”
Rutgers has since expressed their gratitude to the football team and The Yard for using up any money that could have been used for patching up the leaking busses. There has yet to be a timetable for future repairs.