Characteristics of the Average Daily Targum Referendum Voter

BY Ivan Polinsky

Voted “Yes”:
1. IQ of a peanut
2. Cannot read or write
3. Weak, noodle arms
4. Got into Rutgers because of parents’ wealth, legacy, etc.
5. No useful skills to offer to society (A.K.A. puts good at keg stands on resume)
6. Should probably be paying for most of the Targum’s fees (if he/she loves it so much)

Voted “No”:
1. Alpha as FUCK
2. Great at all the things
3. Can read, write, solve world hunger, and bang your mom (ALL AT THE SAME TIME)
4. Genetics so superior I got sperm banks begging ME for my sperm
5. Majoring in BANGING YOUR MOM
6. Will be making six figures not babysittting six year olds when he/she graduates
7. Me

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