Developing: Browns Void Griffin’s Contract After Finding He Has No Knees

CLEVELAND— The Cleveland Browns voided their contract with Robert Griffin III Tuesday after the quarterback’s physical showed he has no knees.

“We were a bit shocked,” said Browns head coach Hue Jackson, “but that’s the nature of the industry. Sometimes you just have no knees. Unfortunately for Griffin, he just goes straight from thigh to leg. No knees.”

After a successful rookie season, Griffin III tore his ACL and LCL in the wildcard round of the playoffs. In the three seasons since, he has suffered nagging injuries and never enjoyed the same success he did in 2012, when he won Offensive Rookie of the Year.

Reports indicate Griffin III started losing his knees in 2014, and they completely degenerated at the end of the 2015 season.

“I’ve played through worse injuries,” said Griffin III after his release. “I know I will come back from this. I don’t need knees. Knees are overrated. Who are the Browns to say I have no knees? Oh God, even the Browns don’t want me. Oh God.”

knees
Griffin at a recent Browns practice struggling to maneuver in the pocket without knees.

Many players around the league reacted to the news, some with words of encouragement and others with comments of confusion.

“How the fuck you ain’t got no knees,” said suspended Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon in a cloud of smoke, who has no brain, but three lungs.

Griffin III will reportedly rehab at Ripley’s Believe it or Not! with Dr. James Andrews.

Some speculate Griffin III is cursed after playing his first four seasons with the oft-criticized Washington Redskins. Many believe Native American chieftains called upon their ancestors to remove the quarterback’s knees as a warning for what is to come if the organization does change its disparaging name.

There is no news yet on who the Browns will find to replace Griffin III, but early reports show the team may be interested in a pile of dirt blowing away in the wind or the corpse of Otto Graham.

Many Browns fans are now switching allegiance to either the Baltimore Ravens or Pittsburgh Steelers.

Some fans have given up hope, which is nothing new.

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