These Bureaucratic Hippies Have Gone Too Far!


Recently, Rutgers University has silently been replacing the functional urinals with ones that cannot flush. This is in addition to how the students lost paper towels in bathrooms, and trays in dining halls. This epidemic is not confined to the university, with air blowing hand “dryers” being commonplace, for example. This must be fought against.

Air dryers would be fine, if it wasn’t for the fact that they don’t even dry your hands! If you use a bathroom with them, you wash your hands, then use the blow dryer, which spreads harmful bathroom bacteria, and wipe your hands on your clothes so that your hands will actually be dry. We cannot continue to buy expensive bacteria spreaders for our bathrooms!

Similarly, the waterless urinals have sanitation issues of their own. As difficult as this might be to believe, we should not be going out of our way to strengthen the odor of piss that plagues university bathrooms! It also encourages men to not flush actual toilets, because these urinals spread the message that doing so is environmentally dangerous. More importantly, these God-forsaken urinals spread the message that human health is worthless. Next time you use a toilet and there’s a steaming pile of shit already there, you know what paved the way for such despicable behavior.

Other environmental issues are fought against in ways that inconvenience people in general. Separating trash and recycling is prejudiced, for example. My brother identifies as trashkin, and the separation triggers him. We might as well travel around campus and paint all the ducks a uniform color! Abolishing trays in dining halls forces you to either take multiple trips, risk dropping your plates, or limit the amount of food you consume. The latter suggestion is inexcusable considering how overpriced dining halls generally are. These actions waste seconds, and over the years, they add up to minutes! Minutes that could be used with self pleasure! And nothing beats that. We can’t give up masturbation,! We must instead give up environmentalism. What has the Earth ever done for us, anyway? Life is overrated.

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