Chris Christie to be Named New Defensive Coordinator for Rutgers Football

BY Henry Chen
Copy Editor

Rutgers began its search for a new defensive coordinator after cleaning house this offseason in an attempt to challenge Big Ten foes.

In a public statement, new Director of Athletics Pat Hobbs shared his thoughts on who could help head coach Chris Ash.

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Christie has experience in sports, as catcher for Livingston High School. We’ll see if those skills translate to football. Good thing he looks like a lineman.

“Get us somebody who can really stop an offense. Really make it like they’re not even there, you know?”

Ash immediately got to work contacting the one person he knew fit the description Hobbs provided. Worried he would succumb to the dreaded Rutgers Football coach curse and lose his job before it started, Ash quickly found the man who would save his job: New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

Christie immediately accepted, and he spoke with The Medium about how he will fair at his new job.

“Well obviously this is no leisurely drive over a bridge on the first day of school; we’re talking about full and able football teams here. We’re going to have to get creative.”

Christie then went into detail about some of his plans, including inciting air traffic controller strikes.

College football analysts now see Rutgers as a soon-to-be Beast of the East. Rece Davis of College GameDay is interested to learn more about a Rutgers program that went 4-8 last season.

“It’s no secret that Christie likes to be a part of the bandwagon and join the winning team. There must be something he sees in this program that no one else can.”

Rutgers knows that having the support of its fans is just as important as bringing in quality players and coaches. Luckily, with the hiring of Christie, the same Lebron-esque bandwagoners will be on the Knights’ side once kick-off time rolls around.

With Christie, Rutgers can truly be B1G.

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