Are You Graduating?


Spring break is over kiddos which means we are in the home stretch. Now if you’re a kid like me who has only been in college for at most 3 years, then you have nothing to worry about. But if you are rounding that 4 year mark or even beyond it, you need to start asking yourself, am I actually graduating? Here is a simple quiz to help you figure out whether you will be graduating or not.

1. How many years have you been in college?
a. 4 years
b. 5 years (yo we all need some extra time)
c. I feel personally attacked by that question (6+ years)

2. Are you here to play school?
a. Uh, yes?
b. I’m here to fucking play the game of life

3. Did you have to cheat in Dance App?
a. I didn’t even take dance app
b. Okay I slept through it and copied some shit but all in all the bullshit I passed in was mine
c. You think I have fucking time to see people tiptoeing in tutu’s and shit?! Of course I did!!

4. Did you get caught cheating in Dance App?
b. Fuck no I’m good at hiding that shit
c. Okay to be real it wasn’t my fault! I mean how was I supposed to know that copying a review from the NY Times and turning it in was “plagiarism”

5. Have you been to Club Alex?
a. I like going to Busch because it’s quieter
b. Only during finals week
c. Nah, is it new? Is it on George St or is it on Easton? Is there a cover charger? Are the girls hot there???

6. How’s dage season going?
a. I mean the weather’s nice to walk to class
b. Eh, I’ve missed some good ones but was able to go to most
c. I haven’t been sober since it was less than 60 degrees outside and I keep forgetting that school doesn’t get cancelled for nice weather

7. AYE WE WANT SOME __________ !
a. Degrees?
b. Pussy…

Mostly A’s: You’ll graduate kiddo! You are going to class and doing your work like a good student and I am very sure your mom or whoever is paying your tuition is really proud of you.

Mostly B’s: You will graduate but late and just barely. But remember, D’s get degrees. So who cares that you fucked around? College is supposed to be fun and having 10 extra years of debt because of it isn’t THAT bad right?!

Mostly C’s: You’re not graduating dude. But hey you might have a budding sport career or college drop out bum career! Don’t worry, RU Grill is always looking for people to work the counter at 3 A.M. so there will always be a pay check for you somewhere.

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