Not Breaking: RU Rugby Suspended Breaking: Still Nobody Cares

BY Tom Brady’s Uggs
Really Smelly

NEW BRUNSWICK — The Rutgers men’s rugby team is suspended for the spring semester after violating school policies in February.

News first broke on March 11 in a poorly written article from This Is American Rugby. It then took 10 days for the Daily Targum to get the story.

The Medium first learned of the suspension on February 27, but decided not to publish the story because students does not care about rugby.

“We have a rugby team?” said senior sports management major Tim Edwards.

Three members of the rugby team reportedly missed curfew in late February. While that does not warrant suspension for any other sport, the University decided to embellish the story and suspend the team, hoping to boost the sport’s recognition.

“We said the team went on a six-day, cocaine-fueled bender in Atlantic City where they killed a stripper,” said athletic director Pat Hobbs. “I know that’s ridiculous, but we just want people to care about Rutgers rugby.”

After nearly a month of lax news coverage, a small group of students is now aware of the rugby team’s suspension.

“Wait, the guy who wrote about this in the Targum is a fucking engineering major,” said sophomore Kelly Greene. “This is bullshit.”

In other news nobody cares about, the Rutgers debate team won its 30th consecutive New Jersey Universities Debate Tournament, and the Rutgers squash team is moving on to nationals.

The Daily Targum will cover those stories in two-to-three weeks.

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