BY The Bus Kid
EIC EIC Baby
PISCATAWAY—Last week, many Rutgers students spent Spring Break traveling the world, especially to fairer weather tropical destinations. However for Katy Dozer, the week consisted of her mainly staying in her Livingston apartment and going through her friends’ Snapchat stories.
Dozer, a senior graduating with a degree in Evolutionary Anthropology this upcoming May, found herself strapped for cash this year and unable to afford any airfare back home to Ohio. All she could do is drop off her roommates at the airport for their Friday flight to Cancun and plan her week alone.
In order to keep up her spirits, Dozer told herself she would make the most of her time off from school by spending it in a productive manner. Following uncharacteristically sunny weather, her first plan was to work on her tan. However, Dozer found herself trapped inside her apartment due to rain and cooler temperatures. As Dozer watched her friends enjoy the sun and the sandy beaches across locations in the Caribbean over Snapchat, she depressingly covered herself in several layers in order to stay warm while watching Friends and SVU reruns.
Stranded and stuck inside, Dozer tried again to stay positive and improve her situation by trying to catch up on her assignments for Music Theory Online. Completing the first of many assignments, her phone buzzed with a notification from a Snapchat by her friend Harriett.
Harriett, who had been spending her break in Miami, sent a video with poorly recorded audio of a Latin busking group. Despite the overwhelming background noise of the city, Dozer became engrossed and quickly went through Harriett’s story to find more recordings and then eventually went through entirety of her friends’ stories, twice.
Feeling deprived of any enjoyment this break, Dozer continued this practice of reviewing each and every single story possible without even attempting to skip through, and soon found herself addicted to living vicariously through others’ stories.
“I just could not stop,” claimed the senior, “there was nothing I wanted more than another a purple icon with a digit in the bottom right corner of my screen. It just meant more sun, more music, more fun. And I got to enjoy it all. Over and over.”
The anthropology major emphasized the banality of her experience on St. Patrick’s Day, when she was only reminded by her various friends posting themselves in green and enjoying the drunken revelry that goes hand-in-hand with the Irish-originating holiday. After viewing her story feed, she quickly went onto Redtube and looked for the first video with a red-headed Irish girl in order to celebrate the holiday in her own way. Having clicked on “Young Irish Girl takes BBC for first time,” Dozer finally added her own Snapchat Story with a picture of herself post-orgasm that had the caption “St. Patty’s Turn Up!”