BY Traitorous Gumball
NEW BRUNSWICK—Local cartographers speculate that Cook Campus might be a fabricated locale actually belonging to the adjacent Douglass Campus. Parallels have been drawn to the questioned existence of Central Jersey, a part of North Jersey considered distinct by its delusional inhabitants.
Official information from Rutgers flip-flops regarding whether the school has four or five campuses. The official website counts five campuses when listing its location, as does the housing and admission websites. However, other official sources, such as the email advertising the “Light Up the Knight” safety walk claim that the university has only four campuses.
“It’s a myth. In my semester and a half here, I’ve never seen a bus that would take me to Cook,” said freshman Mitchell Conlan. “If there were really a Cook campus attached to Douglass, the REXL would take us to both. Alas, it only travels to Douglass, because it actually exists.”
If Cook Campus actually exists, the motivation for hiding its existence is not entirely known. Some believe that the campus is hidden out of shame, in a similar manner to Douglass Campus’ Cooper dining hall.
“I’ve been there, it definitely exists,” claims freshman Gregory Hill. “It’s just that the university is ashamed of it, so they ignore it. I mean, the place literally smells like silos of horse shit.”
Another popular theory is that the campus does exist, but Rutgers staff simply forget about it due to the lack of stereotypes associated with Cook Campus.
“The problem is that the campus is forgettable. It has little to differentiate itself.” Said junior Leslie Sofocli, “Livingston campus has freshmen and the business school, Busch has Asians and STEM classes, College Ave has bars and Greeks, and Douglass has women, arts, and scenery. Cook has no particular type of student flocking there.”
Although students and staff are unsure if Cook Campus is real, they generally agree that there is little reason to trek that far to investigate.