Slaughter in the Court: Martins vs. Lensky

BY Radio Raheem
Fighting the Power

LOS ANGELES— The world collectively rejoiced when Leonardo DiCaprio finally won his long-overdue Oscar on Sunday night. However, he may have got a bit overzealous with his acceptance speech, which was clearly a blatant plug for everyone to support his Formula E team.

As an avid environmentalist, DiCaprio loved the idea of motorsport with electric cars so much that he actually bought a racing team.

Unfortunately for DiCaprio, nobody gives a shit about Formula E. I’m sure most people aren’t even going to make it this far in the article because they don’t have any idea what it is.

Essentially, it’s a tree-hugging, all-electric car, pansy rip-off of Formula 1, the pinnacle of motorsports.

The main difference is that the drivers in Formula E are less talented and the cars are painfully boring to watch.

leo
Left to Right: DiCaprio, a man nobody knows

The acceptance speech is DiCaprio’s last-ditch effort to try to get people to excited about electric cars, which have none of the features that make racing cars exciting.

There’s not much speed, not much noise, and definitely no belligerent redneck fans to make watching these races a spectacle to remember.

You’ve finally won, Leo. Now quit while you’re ahead.

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