Arts, Volume LI Issue IV

The Life of Pablo Sandoval

February 19, 2016 RutgersTheMedium Leave a comment

BY Goldielocks

Panda

Rutgers Entertainment Weekly

NASA Devastated that Opportunity Ignored Their Valentine Text
Valentine’s Day might be a distant memory, but NASA is still hung up on it. They had sent the Mars rover, Opportunity, the message: “Will you be my Valentine?” The message had been meticulously crafted after it went through a grueling experimentation process. After crunching the numbers, they believed they were ready to pop the … Continue reading NASA Devast […]
Rutgers Researchers Discover that Healing Crystals are Real
By: Richard Hertz Much to the dismay of skeptics, doctors, and haters of know-it-all white suburban mothers, scientists, and medical researchers at Rutgers University have discovered the true powers of Healing Crystals and Stones. That’s right, those colorful little rocks hack celebrities and mystics have been claiming divine powers for centuries! A four d […]
University Voices: Favorite Presidential Moment
Ten Reasons Why Ted Bundy is Innoncent
By Caron Ann Boone As you may know I am the ex-wife of the infamous Ted Bundy. I know what you all think I’m crazy, but I am not so please, whoever you are, stop sending psychiatrists to my home. It is very important that I clear my late ex-husband’s name, that is why I … Continue reading Ten Reasons Why Ted Bundy is Innoncent →
Open Letter: If AOC Is A True Democratic Socialist, Then Why Hasn’t She Redistributed Horny DMs Into MY Inbox?
By Ben Shapiro Dearest Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez, I know you, Alexandria. I know that in spite of my best efforts, you shall continually cease to publicly acknowledge my numerous @’s, right swipes, requests for debate, or our mutually exchanged niceties in the hallway. I even went insofar as ordering my editorial board at the … Continue reading Open Le […]

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The Life of Pablo Sandoval

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