BY Randy Butternubs
Getting in on This
NORTH BRUNSWICK, N.J.— Sources reported that yesterday, Ms. Cassandra Talbot left the North Brunswick Shop Rite with only one bag of Pedigree Dog Food and a store-brand jar of creamy peanut butter. This transaction left many witnesses and neighbors extremely concerned, speculating as to why such a combination of items would be purchased solely together.
Eyewitness reports came from the site of the supermarket less than ten minutes after Talbot entered her vehicle to leave and sped down the highway. Grocery checkout clerk and North Brunswick High School junior Jeremy Martin was among the first to share in his testimony.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure Ms. Talbot is like my younger brother’s math teacher at middle school. She’s new and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a boyfriend or husband.”
Martin was working at the “Eleven Items or Less” counter when Talbot was ready to purchase the curiosity-inspiring combination. “We made eye contact for a second and then she hurried to self-checkout. I can’t image why she would be so uncomfortable.”
Neighbors reported their concerns as well. We spoke with Amelia Reinhart about Talbot’s purchase. “Well, she’s got a dog, so the kibble isn’t unusual. I don’t know about the other one. For class maybe?” Reinhart continued to describe Talbot’s behavior. “She really loves that dog, though. They’re never apart when she’s home. It’s a shame though. A woman like her should have a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day coming up.”
Talbot could not be reached at press time for comment. She was seen in her home briefly before drawing shut all the curtains to her home.