Mark Jackson ‘Only Low-key Upset’ About The Warriors

BY Rebellious John Clayton
Recently Retired

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“Sad Boi” Mark Jackson is pretty bad at lying. It’s hard not to sympathize with him after The Warrior’s end to 2015

OAKLAND, CA— Former Warriors head coach Mark Jackson was always going to be in a tough spot after getting fired two seasons ago. Jackson knew full well what his roster was capable of and it more likely than not augmented the pain of watching his former team close out the season as NBA Champions last season.

As tough as the championship was to handle, the Warriors appear to be unstoppable right now and are off to the greatest start in NBA history. A recent interview with the former head coach revealed how he was handling the frustrations of his situation.

“You know what? You’d assume I’d be incredibly upset at this situation, but I’m honestly not,” Jackson claimed. “I’d be a liar if I claimed that it wasn’t kind of tough to watch last year, sure. But I’m just so proud of those guys and Steve Kerr. They really deserved it and I’m totally at peace with it, even though it looks like Steve has a roster loaded with the talent to win multiple championships for the foreseeable future.”

After lying through his teeth for thirty more minutes, the cameras turned off. Mark Jackson threw his chair out a glass window and cursed Steve Kerr for “stealing my fucking roster and harvesting the fruits of my labor. You lucky son-of-a-bitch!”

Jackson then proceeded to sprint and jump headfirst down a large flight of stairs in an incredible display of rage and frustration resulting in complete disregard for potential self-harm.

“AAHHHHHH!!! AHHHAHAHAH! ARGHHHHHHAHA!!!” Jackson yelped.

“It was sort of like that scene in Breaking Bad where Walt realizes Skyler gave his money to Ted and has that dark, terrifying fit of laughter in his crawlspace,” announced the cameraman present for Jackson’s interview.

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