The Universe is Gigantic, And So is My Penis

BY Neil deGrasse Tyson

Screen Shot 2015-11-17 at 11.21.36 AMThe Universe. It may be infinite. Going on forever across multiple galaxies, possibly beyond different dimensions. Well I don’t know how to tell you this but, my penis is also quite large. Now am I saying it is as big as the universe? Well, yes, yes I am.  Now let’s think about this for second: we do not know exactly how big the universe is. And since we do not know how big it is, and therefore we do not know how big we are, it is possible my penis is the size of the universe.  What do you mean that makes no sense? It makes total sense. My penis is crazy big, like whoa, I even surprise myself sometimes. It’s thick, meaty; scrumptious, just like the universe.

What do you mean THAT makes no sense? Listen to me I run a planetarium in New York City and I don’t get my ass kicked everyday. It’s all because I have a big penis and I discovered the universe. People respect a guy like that. It’s not easy to discover the universe. Do you think it was easy convincing people about other possible galaxies when we can’t see them? No! And people only believed me because of my gigantic cock. I plow through pussy like no other scientist let me tell you. Ha Ha Ha, no I’m serious I kinda have a really big dick.

Have you heard of the multiverse theory? Well it means there are a bunch of alternative universes, and that means there are more of my penis. Technically I’m fucking the shit out of a black hole. Ahh I’m just an amazing man.

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