Rutgers Declares Danger-Spaces

BY Samsung

Life Coach/editor

Screen Shot 2015-11-17 at 11.18.53 AM
“FUCK YOU [sic]!” The Danger Space Initiative used this banner to promote its preservation of bigotry, intolerence, and racial slurs among students in the University. Many students, especially pent-up social fraternities, have reacted very positively to the new Danger Spaces, scheduling many of their chapter meetings there.

PISCATAWAY, NJ—Amidst controversy at Yale University over several professors speaking out against groups of students who demand the campus be a safe-space for the various minorities at Yale, Rutgers University has decided to open up several “Danger-Spaces” to promote free speech and protect the constitutional rights of students. While safe-spaces are made to protect certain types of minorities from any uncomfortable, unwelcome, or unsafe discussion concerning sensitive topics, many oppose the existence of such places undermine free speech at academic institutions.

Wednesday morning, President Barchi released an announcement that several popular locations at Rutgers University will promote free speech and be declared “Danger-Spaces.” They will serve to protect all forms of hate-speech, violent expression, and general douchebaggery. Over the past few months, Mettler Hall served as a trial for one of these Danger-Spaces and after the recent stabbing, President Barchi decided to move forward with opening more locations.

“I’m very pleased with the results in Mettler Hall,” said President Barchi. “Not only do students feel comfortable expressing their hate verbally, but now they feel comfortable enough to express their hate physically, too.”

Danger-Spaces will also be opening at the following locations: Livingston – Beck Hall basement, Busch – Third floor of the Library of Science and Medicine, and Cook/Douglass – Dudley’s. Each Danger-Space specializes in a different form of expression. For example, the third floor of the LSM, currently known as the Silent Lounge, will continue to be silent and only allow violence such as shanking and water-boarding.

To pay for these Danger-Spaces, Rutgers University announces a partnership with the National Rifle Association. Each Danger-Space will come equipped with a firearm closet, megaphones, blackface paint, and ready-made “_____ are Going to Hell” posters.

Rutgers University hopes the implementation of these Danger-Spaces will enable the community to hate freely without the fear of progress for minorities.

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