List of Microaggressions

BY Eaton Jeez

Its finally November, and the Center for Caucasian Justice – an organization of white social justice reformers – has released its annual List of Microaggressions. Here’s a handy guide for navigating CCJ’s 2015 List.

Banned Word: Negroni (n.)
Meaning: A cocktail made of one part gin, one part vermouth rosso (red, semi-sweet), and one part Campari, garnished with orange peel.
Reason: Contains the word “Negro.”
How to replace it: Next time you’re at the bar, make sure to order a POCroni.

Banned Word: India (n.)
Meaning: An Asian country with population of 1.252 billion.
Reason: Culturally appropriates Native Americans AKA American Indians.
How to replace it: The country and subcontinent should now be referred to as Native America.

Banned Word: Gyp (v.)
Meaning: To cheat or swindle.
Reason: Offensive to Roma people, commonly called Gypsies.
How to replace it: The correct term is to Jew someone. Jews can’t be offended because they have privilege.

Banned Word: Rapeseed (n.)
Meaning: A bright-yellow flowering member of the family Brassicaceae, commonly used in the production of bio-fuels and canola oil.
Reason: Propagates rape culture.
How to replace it: The correct term for the plant is the anti-euphemism Consentseed.

Banned Word: Retardant (adj.)
Meaning: The property of a substance that prevents or inhibits something, especially the outbreak of fire.
Reason: Contains the word “retard.”
How to replace it: Fire blankets should be called Fire-Specialant.

Banned Word: Gay (adj.)
Meaning: Lighthearted and happy.
Reason: This alternative meaning of the word is excluding of other non-straight, non-cis identifying individuals or non-individualistic self conscious entities.
How to replace it: Express your happiness freely: “I’m feeling LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM today!”

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