BY PETER PLANTAINS
So yeah, I am Peter Plantains and I jerked off with a banana. I mean it’s just kind of getting too cold out now, it is November after all. And that means I just really don’t have it in me to head out at what, like ten on the weekends and try to find some girl desperate and filled with enough daddy issues to sleep with.
On the other hand, jerking off with my hand doesn’t really do anything for me anymore. You know at the point where like too much birthday cake just makes you sick and wanna puke? That’s kind of how I feel with normal jerking off now. Like yeah, it does its job and it’s sweet and all, but you know, I am just jaded of it. I started fiddling with myself like back when I was twelve, so almost a decade of that and it would bore anyone.
And so, that’s how I got here. Currently there is a banana peel on my desk with some of man-juice in it and I only sort of regret it. It basically started with me eating my banana because it was getting all brown and I couldn’t bring myself to let another one spoil. And then I realized I had a half-chub going on, from all the pent up non-fucking time I guess. So I did what any other normal guy in my position would have done; I stuck my dick in the banana peel.
Wrapping Mini-me in the freckled banana skin, I loaded up some thing from PornMD and went to work. As the stringy insides of peel mushed against my dick into this weird puree, I just started to grab harder and harder as I got closer, and then finally the moment of bliss came and I came. But then it was in the moment of full 20/20 clarity right after someone busts a nut that I realized how fucked up this probably was.
So quickly removing my dick-sheathe, I googled “using a banana to jerk off,” and found I could get an infection. Overall, the experience itself was like a 6/10, but the chance of infection is definitely NOT worth it, would not try again.