President Robert Barchi Arrested for Mugging Student

BY Dick Tracy

Yummy in my Tummy

barchNEW BRUNSWICK—Robert Barchi was arrested by Rutgers University police officers and charged with second-degree robbery this morning at 2:15 AM. He allegedly robbed student James Gardner (SAS ’17) on College Avenue, as he left Alexander Library. The student recognized Barchi, and initially thought the 68 year old President of Rutgers University was joking when he started shouting and asking for money. However, things quickly became serious when Barchi pulled out a firearm and pointed it at Gardner. Gardner, a 21-year-old Biology major, says he did what his dad told him do if he ever got mugged: “Give ‘em whatever they want. It’s not worth your life.”

But Gardner had nothing to give him- besides an empty wallet. “He knew I’m a student here at Rutgers. I don’t know why he expected me to have any money to give him. We’re all broke…” Upon realizing that Gardner did not have cash, Barchi demanded that he see Gardner’s checking account balance. He forced the student to log onto his Chase Mobile Banking™ account and saw a remaining balance of $23.12. Barchi began to walk Gardner to the Rutgers Student Center, still at gunpoint, to have him remove $20 from the Chase™ ATM located there, when two RUPD officers noticed the pair and apprehended Barchi. Kenneth Cop, Brigadier General of the Rutgers Police Department, released a statement, and a Crime Alert, shortly after, painting a picture of the night’s events, being sure to note that, “Excessive force was not used against President Barchi, as he is white and therefore did not meet the criteria for being a victim of brutality.”

But Gardner doesn’t seem sure that a simple prison sentence will solve Barchi’s problem. “You should have seen him. His eyes were bloodshot. He was foaming at the mouth, and he kept screaming random things about owing money to Kyle Flood. He seemed deranged. I really feared for my life. The guy needs help. Serious help. 

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