BY Your Bank Account
Hey, it’s me, your checking account. You know, the one you opened after your Bar Mitzvah? You went with mom to the bank and started me? Remember? Yeah, it’s coming back now. Your parents would put your spending money in me. You’d deposit paychecks from being a counselor at the end of the summer.
Well guess what, my balance is ($7.22) for the third week in a row. Do you think you can just spend money and not have to think about it? You don’t even have a job, so it’s not like you have a direct deposit to wait for. And this happens every semester, too. “I’ll be on top of my finances this time.” Well, let’s read your recent transactions.
$46.50 – NJ Books. Good, way to be responsible.
$91.88 – Costco. Saving money, smart choice.
$26.00 – NJ Transit. Can you really afford city trips?
$8.70 – Wendy’s. Why couldn’t you eat at home?
$16.73 – Golden Rail. Here we go again
$11.12 – Scarlet Pub. What the fuck dude?
$70.15 – Peters Liquors. Get some self control.
Overdraft protection isn’t going to save your ass this time. You have a spending problem, and need to — WHAT? Another transaction? What the fuck is Brazzers.com?