Just take me to Another Brothel and Let Me Die

BY Lamar Odom

lamarFucking Khloe. These doctors are keeping me alive to make her seem more sympathetic. Let me explain. Monday night was fucking awesome, totally worth dying for. I had so much sex and did so many drugs. I was on this crazy cocktail called a COCKtail. It’s a mix of a super viagra, heroin, cocaine to keep the bitches happy, meth to really get that dopamine hard, and literal shark sperm to make you rock hard. I was in sexual rapture, man. I hit and hit every woman in that in that whorehouse, two times, maybe three. I was okay with dying, it was my brothel magnum opus. I was ready. Little did I fucking know, the owner of the brothel called Kris Jenner and now I’m here, in a hospital, alive. Just let me die.

Apparently Kris and Ryan Seacrest thought it would be beneficial for Khloe’s image for her to be sympathetic. It’s working, all the headlines I hear from my comatose state say that she is at my bedside, nursing me back to health. Well she is at my bedside, but it is literally a realistic sex doll standing in for her. So I’m here, in a hospital, alone, sad, and still horny from the shark sperm. Just let me die!

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