BY Lamar Odom
Fucking Khloe. These doctors are keeping me alive to make her seem more sympathetic. Let me explain. Monday night was fucking awesome, totally worth dying for. I had so much sex and did so many drugs. I was on this crazy cocktail called a COCKtail. It’s a mix of a super viagra, heroin, cocaine to keep the bitches happy, meth to really get that dopamine hard, and literal shark sperm to make you rock hard. I was in sexual rapture, man. I hit and hit every woman in that in that whorehouse, two times, maybe three. I was okay with dying, it was my brothel magnum opus. I was ready. Little did I fucking know, the owner of the brothel called Kris Jenner and now I’m here, in a hospital, alive. Just let me die.
Apparently Kris and Ryan Seacrest thought it would be beneficial for Khloe’s image for her to be sympathetic. It’s working, all the headlines I hear from my comatose state say that she is at my bedside, nursing me back to health. Well she is at my bedside, but it is literally a realistic sex doll standing in for her. So I’m here, in a hospital, alone, sad, and still horny from the shark sperm. Just let me die!