HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERNET BEING DOWN

BY Grind All

DDOS
BY Sawyer

So last week we had that fucking scandal of the internet being down and yeah I probably should have written these tips then but fuck Exfocus is gonna come back, we all know it so here are some tips on how to survive the internet crash that is bound to happen again.

1. The most important thing is to download all your porn right now. Dude the internet was down for a week last semester. We all know how hard it is to go without porn for even like a day and let’s be real here, you do not have the luxury of having a data plan that lets you stream all the fucking porn you want without having to pay $400 for your phone bill at the end of the month. Anyway, phone screens are too small for good porn quality.

2. Look at your friend group, who you can ACTUALLY hang out with, without the distraction of Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Snapchat and not want to kill. You’d be really fucking surprised how many kids you just put up with because you were too busy on the internet to actually hear the annoying shit that comes out of their mouths. Guys this is super important. When the internet is down you have to actually talk to people. It’s like the fucking 90s and it’s terrifying. So you’ll probably dwindle your friend group down to like 3 people but whatever, you’ll get through Exfocus.

3. Make sure you’ve got your Tinder buds numbers. All of the sudden you’re gonna have way too much time on your hands and you’re gonna need some sort of release. If you were an idiot and didn’t do the first thing I told you to do (go download your porn now) then you’re gonna have to actually try to find someone to fuck. We all know that finding someone in real life is scary and unrealistic so your best bet is Tinder. So please, please get their number so you can actually have contact with them.

4. Idk maybe you should download your textbooks onto a flash drive or whatever? Professors cancel shit anyway. And even if they don’t you can just complain and whatever. Honestly the most important part of the internet being down isn’t the fact that you can’t do schoolwork. It’s the fact that you can’t procrastinate doing your schoolwork.

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