Women’s Soccer Wondering if They Should Start Screwing Up

BY Shreg Giano

Piscataway, NJ—The Women’s Soccer Program has been faring better than any other Rutgers teams this fall season.

Their success can be viewed in stark contrast to the turmoil and darkness surrounding the Rugers Football program. Still, the football team manages to fill High Point Solutions stadium against meager competition like Kansas while the well-behaved and ranked women’s soccer team struggles to get any sizable attendance at their biggest home games.

Some might claim that football is inherently more popular. But the women’s soccer players are quietly starting to wonder if it is not the sport of football that draws attention, but the plethora of off-the-field drama associated with it.

“Yeah I’ve stopped going to all classes hoping that my pending academic ineligibilty is enough of a story to attract some attention later in the season,” Captain Sarah Myles told reporters.

“I just recently acquired illegal firearms and I’m looking to one-up the football team by committing armed robbery in the middle of the game,” junior Rose Ashland told reporters matter-of-factly.

The player’s efforts may be misguided, but their heart and willingness to sacrifice for their team should serve as an example to the spoiled football team.

One thought on “Women’s Soccer Wondering if They Should Start Screwing Up”

  1. It is so disheartening to hear about how much money and hype is spent on the Rutgers football team. I am a woman graduate of Rutgers Engineering school and former high school soccer player and I am so proud to be able to brag about my alma mater and it’s classy and strong women’s soccer team!!!! I will be attending their games and talking them up everywhere I go. Now I can proudly yell, “Go RU!!!”


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