BY Dr. Ben Carson
Hey everybody, it’s me, Dr. Ben Carson. Today I’m taking time off from my race to the White House to provide American families with health tips as the winter approaches. Did you know 4.5 million Americans catch The Gay every year? Scary. Here are my 5 tips for how not to catch The Gay this season.
STAY INSIDE. This is especially important when the weather is cold, as Feral Gays may be walking around with erect nipples in low temperatures.
WEAR 3D GLASSES. That’s right kids, the red and blue ones. These absorb their respective colors, rendering any strategically placed Rainbow Flags ineffective.
GET YOUR GAY VACCINE. These are available at your local Chik-Fil-A or Hobby Lobby and will be sure to keep your children Gay-free all winter. Get ‘em early!
CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. Make sure to buy a proper tree from our campaign supporters, Trees-R-Us, and let the power of Christ protect you from Homosexuality.
PRACTICE ABSTINENCE. Condoms are proclaimed to prevent HIV, a disease now thought to cause The Gay. They are really designed to encourage “safe” sodomy. Stay away!