BY Neville Neebly
Fuck the Quads. I’m a junior and I’m stuck in Quad III with all these other scrubs from the bottom of the barrel in the housing lottery. This place reminds me of Auschwitz, especially because I’m stuck in the basement. I have to watch all of these freshmen walking around all happy for no reason all the time. Don’t they know their life is shit?
I stole an orientation shirt, so sometimes I walk around Livingston wearing the shirt and my keys on a lanyard. I just pretend I’m a freshman and mess with them. It’s the only fun I could ever possibly imagine on this campus. The dining hall is shit, stop talking it up like it’s the best place to eat in the whole fucking universe. They have the same pasta line that takes way too long and awful rotisserie chicken every single day. I hate all of you. Eat shit and die.