Lesly K: News Editor

leslyLesly K faced a tragic death after eating free pizza that had been poisoned.

Lesly was confronted with her horrible demise in Olive Branch bar last Wednesday.

The man she had grown so close to and referred to as “Staff“ betrayed her by sprinkling some poison on her pizza after growing tired of her only coming in for free food and repeatedly shouting “STAFF!” as loud as she could.

Lesly, a champion on the color guard team, has also moved up in The Medium, mainly securing her position through her skills to seek out all the free food events on campus and occasionally “stealing” it for meetings, giving her instant popularity. She will be missed at The Medium; members have been saddened by her passing and are questioning the source of their next pizza.

Lesly wishes that a collection of Human Centipede tapes be sent to her parakeet, Kurt in lieu of flowers. A funeral service will be held at Brower Commons, Lesly’s favorite place on Earth, where she was always a loyal customer and where she spent her happiest times.

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