Justin: Editor-In-Chief

justinJustin L: son of Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn: Father of Bruce Jenner (the dog). In lieu of flowers send endowment to masturbators anonymous.

Justin will be remembered by his dog, who was always excited to lick the peanut butter off the balls.

He lived a great life and fulfilled all his dreams. He owned a pit bull, he went and proved the state of West Virginia was real, and (the high light of his life) he met Pornstar Lisa Ann.

At home, Justin was always known as a late bloomer. From the woods town of Forrestville, Justin became a minor celebrity at age 6. He single handedly got himself stuck in a balloon and floated around for 6 hours before safely landing at a scary blue collar dive bar. It was that day that Justin had his first beer.

In middle school, Justin won the beer olympics for the 7th grade. It was that night he lost is virginity in the local “festival of dykes.” The festival is where all members of the town meet at the center of the three rivers that converge on the three supporting dykes. Also, the winner of the 7th grade beer olympics is sexually given to the dykes who live down by the river.

This upbringing didn’t hold Justin back. He went on to become a successful political analysis and a bioethicist. It is fitting that he is best known from leaked photos of him in sex dungeon with Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Martha Bush, and Joe Biden, all experiencing simultaneous organism.

Justin’s last moments were spent saving puppies from a fire.

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