Ronald McDonald Jr. named MVP of high school basketball showcase

BY Stephen A. Smiff

Chicago— Last Wednesday marked the annual McDonald’s All-American basketball game. The East defeated the West 111-91

Ronald McDonald Jr. earned the MVP award in this year’s game featuring young men preparing to expand their academic horizons with one quick year of easy classes before bolting to the NBA. McDonald Jr. is the son of the famous McDonald’s restaurant mascot and attends Oak Hill Academy, the top high school basketball team in the state of Virginia.

McDonald Jr. amazed scouts, leading all scorers with 29 points while adding 11 rebounds, six assists, three steals and four blocks all in 27 minutes of action.

“This is an amazing honor,” said the MVP, “but now I would like to bring some awareness to a major issue affecting tens of people nationwide: congenital face-makeupitis syndrome (CFMS). My father was lucky enough to find employment as a mascot, but others aren’t as lucky.”

McDonald Jr. has already committed to the University of Kentucky, and would be the first college basketball player with CFMS.

Some NBA scouts attended the game, and a few expressed concerns over his condition:
“I’m not sure who will want to play with someone with CFMS,” said Nets General Manager Billy King. “I mean look; he’s leaving marks everywhere. He’s leaving makeup on everyone he runs into. And when he falls he leaves streaks all over the court. They have to stop the game for like 10 minutes to clean it up.”

After the game, Ronald McDonald Sr. addressed the issue, calling for change:

“It’s time we start being treated like equals. No more being relegated to menial jobs as mascots, mimes or circus freaks. And no more being looked down upon. We are people, too!” said an emphatic McDonald Sr.

McDonald Jr. is sure to turn heads in college. Regardless of his condition, he is set to leave a mark on the game and on the court in Lexington Kentucky.

Wait; on second thought, it’s really not regardless of his condition.

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