BY Who the Fuck Cares, this is an A7 Original
Amongst the increasingly granular sexual continuum, outcry has emerged from the self proclaimed “pan-sexuals,” who, unlike “traditional” pansexuals, are in fact people who are sexually attracted to wheat and wheat byproducts, such as breads, pastas, and those stupid little pretzels they serve at shitty parties. They claim that the term pansexual is not defining the in a desirable way and that “omnisexuals” have no claim on the term. In the wake of these claims many other new groups have emerged also laying claim to previously defined sexual orientations and have created public support for their redefinitions. Some of these redefinitions include homosexuals, who are attracted to individuals with homologous genes and/or are homogenous mixtures, polysexuals, who are sexually attracted to parrots and cockatoos, but not necessarily macaws, and trigendered individuals, who feel that they must identify themselves as sexual triangles, though there is still dispute on if they are isoceles or equilateral. A third faction is even emerging of exclusively right angled trisexuals.
As the movement gained traction, tension has increased between the tradition and emergent users of these once stable definitions of sexuality, and as more and more disputes emerge, the situation becomes increasingly unstable. The only thing that can bring this strife to an end is the fact that Frank Underwood has wicked sick gay sex with the Russian President in season three while Claire listens from another room.