Two Students Begin Brushing Teeth at Same Time

BY Landon Conrad

NEW BRUNSWICK – At approximately nine this morning in Voorhees Hall , two male students were spotted to have begun brushing their teeth at the same time, and neither one seems to be willing to stop brushing first.

An eyewitness account from Alan Nicolas, an SAS freshman, stated that he witnessed his floormates Jack Ling and “Big Mike” Martinez enter the bathroom early this morning and begin brushing their teeth at the same time.

“Both of them are really competitive, and really care about their dental hygiene,” said Nicolas.

“They’ve been brushing vigorously for nearly an hour now. I’m amazed at their commitment to not looking like they have bad hygiene. I can only hope to be as brave as these men.”

At the scene, “Big Mike’s” girlfriend, Ashleigh Blithe, was cheering her boyfriend on to no end.

“I don’t know whether it’s the pure primal desire to have no cavities or the sheer uncomfortable awkwardness of finishing first,” Ashleigh stated.

“I mean honestly, what’s sexier than proper hygiene? But if ‘Big Mike’ doesn’t win, I’m dumping him right here.”

At press time, Jack and “Big Mike” were last seen moving their competition into the bathroom stalls, and still do not seem to be ready to put the brush down any time soon.
roblems,” said Andrea Tomitz, director of outreach for the CSA.

Some of their tabling activities include the writing in Moleskin dream journals, yoga workshops, and feel-good Alternative Breaks trips to developing countries.

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