List of Practical Purposes for a Targum

BY Sascha Kay

1. Line a birdcage
2. Start a trashcan fire to keep warm in Hickman
3. Pack fragile items
4. Use as a blanket to keep warm in Hardenburgh
5. Teach journalism students how not to write newspaper articles
6. Make a papier-mache piñata shaped like your dreams and filled with nothing but regret
7. Soak up the ceiling leaks in Wright Labs. Alternatively, make a papier-mache ceiling patch because it’s probably more than will get done to fix the leak in the next five years.
8. Make paper hats
9. Crumple into small balls (if you haven’t already) and play with kittens
10. Use as a blanket for after you graduate with your Medieval Studies degree and you don’t have a job and you’re sleeping in a dumpster behind a Quick Check
11. Wrap a sandwich
12. Place under a table or chair to keep it from rocking. You may have to fold it several times.

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