Want to stop hating yourself? Maybe this will help.

1) Don’t cry.

2) Try REALLY hard not to cry

3) Cry Anyway

4) Sniffle for a few hours afterwards

5) Masturbate for a few more hours

6) Wallow in your post masturbatory shame

7) Bust out the Jagermeister

8) Liberally apply Jagermeister to face area

9) Cry again

10) Masturbate again

11) Ignore all calls from friends trying to help you

13) Skip Step 12

14) Pretend to get over it

15) Repeat until you can’t feel.

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