BY Box Cutter
LIBYA– A new bombtastic scandal is rocking the Middle East this year. The ISIS chapter in Libya posted a new video showing the beheadings of 21 Coptic Christians from Egypt last Monday–just in time for the news cycle this week. The angsty teenage state aimed to broaden their scope and attack Christians in hopes to pick fights with other European countries, but only neighboring Egypt reacted. Analysts say the reason for this is because that instead of cutting their own wrists, they decided to cut other people’s heads off.
The response ISIS was hoping for came from Egypt, whose president promised swift retaliation.
“If they are training suicide bombers in these camps, then we’ll have to pre-suicide them,” said Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi after sending an air force brigade to attack training camps in parts of Libya held by ISIS. He added, “It’s all good fun.”
“ISIS is really just an angry teenager who can get only so much attention from mama Europe and papa Murica,” says our political analyst Brenda Strongtalk, “but the parents are busy with other plans, and Libyan ISIS has to play with the kid from the hood (who’s kind of a sissy, tbh).”
“The blood of our Christian brothers is a testimony which cries out to be heard. It makes no difference whether they be Catholics, Orthodox, Copts or Jehovah’s Witnesses, they are not Muslims,” said the Argentinian-born Italian superstar, Pope Francis, who seems to be their only ally as he calls for European countries to react. After all, this institution traditionally goes after prepubescent boys.
On the question of why other extremists organizations such as Hezbollah condemned the beheadings, UK’s PM, Cameron responded: “I am confused.”
Despite the effort to involve international governments in Libya, this teenage drama ended as an angry ‘me’ parade back home.