Volume XLVIII Issue VIII
BY ANIME HAIR: NEWS EDITOR
NEW BRUNSWICK—The ongoing construction efforts on Douglass Campus have been halted due to ongoing protests by the feminist community.
”Women have a hard enough time as is being barraged with phallic objects in our society” said spokeswoman Lori Burham, a second year Feminist Theory major explaining the issue.
“Douglass campus is mostly made up of low to the ground buildings surrounded by plenty of bushes,” Burham continued. “But new construction is given rise to taller and more penis-like buildings than Douglass residents are comfortable with.”
Protesters say that they are fearful that male students will take the new tall structures as a sign to start “taking their man-identifying penises out of their pants and start raping everyone.”
Alternative structures are being presented. “We were thinking some sort of courtyard, or other hollow box-like structure,” says Betty Dottry 22. “Even a large well would be great.”
But a counter-protest is already gaining ground from local Men’s Rights Activist groups. As one member, Doug Pemberly, 21, says, “For too long this Women’s College has been encroached by buildings which cater to the female gender. It’s time to give the men a chance.”
Steps have already been taken by the feminist protest groups to halt any further addition to the height of any buildings. Five online petitions are reportedly already circulating Tumblr, and there is word that the group is selling menstrual cup cozies on Etsy to raise funds.