Volume XLVIII Issue X
BY SOME STUPID FRESHMAN
H-hello? I… I can’t find my classroom. I’m looking for Scott Hall 137. For… I…. I can’t remember what class it was. I’ve been looking for so long now. Scouring this campus for months. But I can’t find it. And I don’t want to ask anyone because I don’t want to look like a stupid freshman who doesn’t know anything.
But… I don’t know anymore. I can’t quit, I haven’t slept or stopped looking. I’ve been reduced to eating squirrels that cross my path to nourish my endless quest. I… I miss my family. I think my friends worry about me, but my phone’s been dead. I once saw a helicoptor fly overhead. I think it was looking for me, but I needed to find my class. Nothing matters anymore. I’m doomed to walk eternally, lost, desperately searching for a building that doesn’t exist.
Wait… what did you say? College Ave? No.. No… Scott Hall is on Busch. Right. Right? You… You can’t be serious. After all this time, you can’t be telling me that I’ve been on the wrong campus this whole time. But then… all those people I killed. I’ve done terrible things. And my grades. What will I do? No. I mustn’t think of it. All I can do now is get on a bus and finally reach the promised land. I need a C, right? I’ll… I’ll be going now.