Administration must be accessible to my sexy body

Volume XLVIII Issue VII

BY ALEXIS BRADY: TARGUM WRITER

Throughout my time on the banks, all I can remember is being on those motherfucking busses. It’s not that I’m a senior who still isn’t used to the busses or anything. Not that I couldn’t suck it up or transfer.

So, yeah. Busses suck massive cock. I mean massive. Like the cock I took last night. Oh my god did it gape my pussy holy shit. Did that feel nice or what? Anyway, busses are horrible, dining halls taste like shit, we ignore out faculty who apparently do not make enough money even though tuition keeps rising. And who should we blame for all this bullshit? The administration!

President Barchi has announced that he will no longer meet with students this semester and all my fellow students and I have to ask is, “Are we not enough to pleasure you anymore, Barchi?”

Barchi, you are the President. You are responsible of taking care of all of the student body, and you usually do such a good job of it. I mean, first you would do me Barchi. I was your favorite. Remember the way you would bite on my soft and tender breasts? Then work your way down and I would scream. Then, Joey from SEBS would come in and give you a little spanking for being such a bad boy. Yeah, you bad little boy. You take it like the bitch you are.

This school is so big, Barchi. Like, I understand if you didn’t want to meet with me as much, but none of us!? What about the issues? What about looking out for the faculty? What about my clit which hasn’t been rubbed in weeks?

Because of this, Rutgers is going to be defined as a school of separation of administration and the student body. It’s up to the administration to close this gap. And if that means we have to fuck the whole Board of Governors, then so be it.

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