medium andy         Why Do We Eat Corn? BY ANDY ROONEY

A lot of people make corn part of their weekly diet. It’s a crop that has been around since before the Europeans came to this continent. But, have you ever wondered why we have continued to eat corn?

I was sitting down to take a shit the other day, after a long day’s work at the office you always like to come home and take a nice shit, or at least I do. And once I was done, there it was: corn that I had not fully digested. If we can’t digest it then why do we continue to eat it?

We can’t digest it because it contains cellulose, a type of fiber we have trouble breaking down. And yet we continue to grow so much corn every year. Yeah it is used for making other products like corn syrup and ethanol, but we grow more corn than other vegetables out there.

There’s string beans, carrots, potatoes, even some nice cucumbers, and we have no problems digesting them. All of them are good and come at roughly the same price. They are all easy to get at your local farm or market. Next time, I think I’ll go for some nice lima beans rather than something used to power my car.

medium corn         Cause I’m so Fucking Good BY CORN

Why do you continue to eat me? Cause I’m the best there is. I’m the one who sweetens up your day, sweetens your life. You know when it’s a nice warm summer day all you want is to throw a couple ears of corn on the grill with some soft succulent butter and a pinch of salt. What about when you go to Chipotle, you know you always ask for me, and when you bite into me, oh yeah you know! I give you that pleasurable sensation that just goes great with your chicken or barbacoa.

Yeah you know you want me, and you fucking need me. I am the vegetable god. Are you really going to replace me? With what? Goddamn peas?! Maybe some cauliflower? Yeah, see how well that goes over. I’ll be around forever, so you might as well just keep enjoying me as much as I enjoy you.

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